Chutzpahdick’s final ever trip down Stock Road will involve a turn to the right, and not left into the grounds of the Southend corporation civic amenities site – for the grounds to which Chutzpahdick is going will – alas - be providing an altogether different and more permanent kind of amenity (why do they even call the one on the left an “Amenities Site” – an amenity denotes some kind of pleasurable place, yet Chutzpahdick has never derived any pleasure whatsoever from dumping (sorry, recycling) his rubbish).
Chutzpahdick’s parents and parents in law are here. His mother in law’s stone is tilting slightly away from his father in law’s stone. It is as if the two stones are not on talking terms. They appear to have had a “broiges”. Or perhaps it is merely the continuation of an earlier one?
Chutzpahdick recalled the occasion when he attended a levoya some years ago, during his lunch hour. Unfortunately, owing to a rather long journey down from the north of England, the new “soon to be resident” had - - to put it tactfully – set into an awkward position for transfer. Time passed, and, alas, Chutzpahdick had to leave, and he gave his profuse apologies to the gentleman’s wife, who valiantly replied “It’s so typical of my dear husband – awkward to the last”.
Another memory involved a levoya with few attendees, just enough men for a Minyan, and, to make it worse, nobody was willing to admit to anything good about the deceased. After continued coercing by the Rabbi, finally, a little man at the back piped up “His brother was even worse”.
Chutzpahdick and Mrs Chutzpahdick recently decided to reserve their plot, another concession to the concept of their own mortality, whilst space still remained, and not yet too close to all the noise from the scrap metal yard across the road. One wonders, rather depressingly, what will come first – running out of space or running out of occupants? Would the very last person please put the lights out and turn the heating off in the hall.
Friday 29th January 2021